Two Gentlemen of Lebowski

By Dave

This is awesome! Someone made a full length script of the Big Lebowski as if it were written by Shakespeare. Here is a taste:

WALTER
Youth, thou art entering a world of pain.
We know this document is home-work thine,
And that thou stealest cars—

THE KNAVE
And monies too!

WALTER
And monies, and this is thy home-work, boy.
Wherefore silence? What impudence is this?
Thou art killing thy father, Laurence! O!
This hath no end; he never will speak word.
I take thy parchment back, and turn to plans
Of secondary contingence. Look well.
Behold thy car, the corvette, crimson-stain’d,
And see what befalls sinners evermore.
[He raises his sword, and smites the car]
This befalleth when thou firk’st a stranger ‘twixt the buttocks, Laurence! Understand’st thou? Dost thou attend me? Seest thou what happens, Laurence? Seest thou what happens, Laurence? Seest thou what happens, Laurence, when thou firk’st a stranger ‘twixt the buttocks?!
[Enter CLOWN]
This be what befalleth, Laurence! This be what befalleth, Laurence!

H/T Kottke